Hope
by OutTonightAndForever
Summary: Hope has never ever been good to Leah.


**A/N: Ok this is another story with angst about Leah. I really am sorry for not updating my other stories, I just need to get some inspiration and I promise that I will update them soon. Thank yo to everyone who reviews and actually reads the author notes I write. If you read this please put STORM in you review! **

Hope is a sick and twisted thing. I mean think about it! When you are younger and you want to go to the zoo, you hope you can go and ask your parents if you can go. Then they give you the answer no. Well then you're disappointed! And it is all because of hope. Hope sets you up to be disappointed, hurt, sad, upset and a bunch of other negative emotions.

Hope destroys us, slowly but surely. Hope is a bitch. It hurts. We have all heard the saying "Don't get your hopes up" well we should listen to it much more often. I am not saying that life sucks. I am just pointing out that hope is deadly. It makes us anxious and impatient and sometimes quite literally sick.

I hoped that Sam would come back to me. And I was so disappointed when he didn't. Hope blocks us from moving on from with our lives. It holds us back. It keeps us trapped in its embrace. It feels great when you hope for something and you get it. It really does! But it just hurts so much when the opposite happens.

I really hate hope. If hope was a tree I would chop it down. Then I would put in the fire and laugh like a maniac as it burned. Unfortunately for me, and luckily for hope, hope is not a tree. Sometimes I have dreams so good that I hope I will never wake up. Usually after thinking that I wake up. Once again I am left let down and disappointed.

I was really just starting to heal from the wounds and scars Sam left on my heart when I slowly started to fall for Jacob. I hoped that I was just imagining things and that I didn't really love him. I hoped that it was just a phase and that it would fade. Neither of those things happened and hope failed me again. No one else seems to suffer as much as I do. In a horrible way I hope that someone else goes through what I do. But I also hope that no one is going through what I am.

I think that hope is like the Tower Of Terror. It lifts you up high and then drops down. Leaving you in a temporary daze.

I knew I would get hurt when I fell in love with Jake. But I hoped nonetheless that I wouldn't. Obviously I did though. When he said that he loved me I hoped to everything that he would always love me. Once again hope wronged me. Hope must really hate me or something. The main point is, hope gives us something to look forward to….and then takes it away.

The day that Jake looked at me with sad eyes? I hoped and hoped that he wasn't going to give me the same sorry speech that Sam gave me. Well guess what? He did. HE told me that he was sorry but the imprint was so strong and that he just couldn't lie to me. He told me it wasn't fair to me or him or Nessie. He told me all the lies that Sam had. I hoped that he would smile at the end and say 'Just kidding! I can't believe you fell for that" I prayed for that to happen. But it didn't. He just left the house with a sad wave.

I then hoped for him to come back. I hoped for it even though I knew he would never come back. And the sensible part of me was right, as always. Jake didn't come back and say that he was wrong and that Nessie wasn't the one for him.

I cried. A lot. I never stopped hoping that they were just dating and that they would never get married. Then one day the wedding invitations came. Yeah, they were so kind as to invite me to the wedding. I just stared numbly at the card for a moment, not wanting to believe that he was truly marrying _her. _I thought that deep down he still loved me! No, correction, I hoped he still loved me. I knew he didn't. He was just like Sam, full of empty promises that I hoped were true. Hope really sucks.

I went to the wedding. Smiled convincingly at everyone, pretending I was delighted that the second love of my life was marrying another girl. Deep down I was hoping Nessie or Jake wouldn't show. Maybe that way I could still have a chance. Regardless of what I wanted both of the 'Love Birds' showed. Then I desperately hoped that maybe one of them wouldn't say I do. Once again my hopes and dreams were disregarded. That night downed as many drinks as I was allowed. Hoping that they would make me numb. I wasn't even allowed that small luxury. If anything the night became clearer more engraved in my mind. Basically the complete opposite of what I so very much wanted and needed.

I knew they were happy together but I hoped they would file for a divorce. Then maybe I could get one more chance at happiness. But because hope clearly thinks I need to suffer more they remained happy. Then one day I found out Nessie was pregnant. I hoped and hoped that the child wasn't Jake's and that he would leave her. But once again hope laughed in my face and let the two be the biological parents of the kid. When they had the little girl and they gave her, her name I wanted to laugh. NO one else would see the bitter irony that I did. What irony you ask? They named her Hope Leah Cullen-Black. It was oh so nice of them to name their child after me but that is not the ironic part. They named her hope! As if I need another reminder of how hope screws my life over day after day! Now I have a living breathing example of it. I don't hate the girl though. I hate hope.

**Well what did you think? Please review?**


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